Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The most Bachelorly thing I have EVER done

Without a doubt, happened on Sunday, I was fairly sure that I had folks coming over and my place was a wreck. The fall out of a very busy few weeks, a lot of out on the road, come home, drop stuff everywhere... Papers all over. Clothes in heaps, etc. I picked things up and found the floor a mess. I was running out of time. I had to go play soccer soon and then there was a fathers day dinner to be had right after. A stroke of genius hits. I open every window and door, and grab my shop vac, and proceed to Hook the nozzle to the exhaust. I then use it like a leaf blower to clear all the dirt and whatever on the tile and wood floors out of the doors. It worked like a charm. Got under the couch, in hard corners, everywhere really And I could use the force of the air to dust off shelves and tables while I was at it. And then with one last Alamo sort of pile of dust bunnies, sand, and god knows what, I attached the vac end to it's proper outlet and picked up the small remaining pile.

So, I have now told on myself... it's funny. Why not share right?
Well, I am also actually going somewhere with this. Even as I did this most unorthodox method of house cleaning I was very mindful of the most important analogy that was present.
When you go to "clean up your life", "do personal housekeeping" whatever you want to call it, be wary of cleaning the same way every time. It's Like Brushing without flossing. Or Brushing with a bad pattern and totally missing spots. Then decay can set in. Or those little corners and spots in your house that sweeping does not get... or under the couch. Dirt doesn't just stay in one place. A little breeze can push it out from under those hidden spots. You could have just mopped, and then bam, there it is back out in plain sight, with more still lurking out of sight.
I think this tells me as a person to switch it up from time to time. Don't Always do things the same way over and over again. People hate/are scared of change in general. Anything that interupts their regular day is typically viewed as an annoyance. But without change there is no progress. We have to do things differently as people and as a society. Use a leaf blower to clean your house, Elect a colored man the leader of the free world, talk to someone you don't know when out in public, just be aware that the possibilities in this world are limitless. Every day you go through doing exactly the same things you have done the day before is an opportunity lost. Do it different tomorrow, do it better.

Mess with the Bull...

And we all know what happens.
I was having a wonderful morning. After a chaotic Monday Which ended with Jane Carter dropping me at my house (THANKS JANE!), me deciding I was hungry, eating, and promptly passing out rather than running back downtown in the middle of the night with my bike key to unchain and then ride my Bike Back home. I awoke this morning to a nice cool dry breezy day and ran first to Biltmore Village to deposit my Stimulus check, and then on to the downtown BBT to deposit a check for my business. I was happy to note that I ran a route I had taken a few weeks back a full minute faster. I then trotted on down Patton Avenue over to Jack of the wood to liberate my commuter which was none the worse for wear after a night out on the town so to speak. I was eager to head home and take a few minutes to update my blog and knock out a few business items while I wait for some equipment that I ordered for my business to be delivered to me. It's heavy and I must be home to get it. That lovely breeze today is from the north and that is a joy when riding homeward. I scream down Asheland Avenue with the wind to my back. I also manage to hit the light and the bottom of the hill where it becomes McDowell. Signs ahead claimed that the right hand lanes were to be closed and only one lane was going to be there for south bound traffic. Cars were backed up for roughly 200 yards trying to merge over into the turn lane as both normal south bound lanes were closed. Of Course, on my bike, with all of that speed from the wind and the hill, roughly 40 miles an hour, can see that I have room to proceed unhindered past all of this. And to boot I caught the green light that kept my momentum going on up the hill heading into the tunnel. I could feel the ire of a few drivers as they finally caught me as I lumbered up the hill heading into the tunnel. As if I had somehow wronged them by being able to continue forward while they sat in traffic.
You know, If I had a nickel for every time a car passed me WHILE in my lane rather than moving to another lane (if a 5 lane road) or not waiting for proper passing zone on a two lane road... OR the WORST of All, passing ME on a two lane road while a car is oncoming in the other lane thus making us 3 wide on a two lane road.
So anyway, there are those few rare times when traffic is snarled and a biker actually makes better pace than a car. This was one of them. I had made my way into the middle of the tunnel and I could hear a large construction truck, one with a flat bed and one solid body coming up behind me. I could also tell It was in my lane and despite the loud diesel engine I could discern that there were other cars in that surge of traffic. I could tell I wasn't going to like this. So I got as far over to the curb as possible in a dark tunnel and gripped the handle bars and waited for it to pass. The Driver of the Truck thought it a lovely idea to Blow the horn when he was right by me in the tunnel. Now, Mind you, this was at the crest of the hill, the wind is at my back, and my Adrenal Glands just dumped about a weeks worth of freak out juice into my fragile little mind. I screamed at the TOP of my Lungs. "M#$@$R F#$@*R" Jumped out of the saddle and proceeded to immediately use the Wind, Hill and raw aggression to get back to 40 miles an hour and chase down the truck. Almost at the bottom of the Hill, just past Asheville High, Yet another construction delay has the cars pinched to the left lane and waiting for a signal to go. AH!!! my sweet reward!! I get to face the cowardly A$$hole who from the safety of his automobile wants to be a jerk, but now, he is caught! I slide past a few cars, swing out to the drivers side of the truck, hop off my bike reach up to the cab and poke my hand in the window and yell at the top of my lungs all at once in order to give him the same shock that blowing a horn in the tunnel gave me. After the scream I follow with, "What the hell is your problem buddy?" The driver, of course, was a nasty older redneck (probably 45 but looked like 60) with a medium sized pot belly and a beard down to his man tits. Typically when you confront someone like this they either just roll the window up scared and wait to get going again, or they fire back with words. He does, I invite him to get his fat ass out of the truck and explain himself. Mind you, there are cars behind us and we are on McDowell at the lower edge of Asheville high. Before he climbs down out of the truck he reaches under the seat for something. At first I worry about a gun and I am fully ready to dart behind the truck for cover. Instead, he hops out wielding an AXE. NO kidding, an axe with about a 2.5 foot handle. The crazy bastard takes a few swings at me, but it's kinda heavy and I don't even have to let go of my bike to dodge the guy. And honestly, I coulda kicked the thing out of his hands after a swing, but it just didn't make any good sense. So after a few swipes and me telling the guy he is really brave going after a guy in running shorts holding a bike and nothing else with an AXE. I decide it's time to hop on the bike and just keep heading home. The road construction guy stopping traffic a little further down the hill saw it happen and just had this look on his face that I would pay money to see again. As I rode by I just shook my head and said to him. "Crazy F'in redneck huh?" Of course, I did need to look behind me to see which way this guy was going now that he and his Axe were back in the truck and make sure he wasn't going to use either of those things to come after me. He didn't, he turned onto Meadow road instead of coming to biltmore village proper. Probably on some vague level it dawning on him that he had just tried to assault me and could go to jail if I wanted to track the guy down. I am not going to try to find him, I didn't get the plates, it all happened pretty fast and I am not injured so what ever.
In conclusion, I'd just like to reiterate the name of my blog. Yet another one of those things that is now on my life list that you couldn't even script if you were a gifted writer of fiction.
June 17th... 2008, approx. 10:15am, had an Axe swung at me...

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The habit has stuck

9 days deep into running or at least running after a ball every day for an hour and I can't not do it. I have lots of work in the office, but I left it for an hour over in bent creek. Sheer joy! I run it, they bike it... I quit you mountain biking, Just like zippers and lesbians, I quit you. After the run I had a sit in Bent Creek for about 10 minutes.... So good for the legs.