Friday, May 30, 2008

sweaty bastard

As with everyone, the more out of shape I get the more I sweat. It is a VERY good thing that I have never been over 200 pounds. I'd probably sweat profusely while typing at room temperature. Today I ran from 5 to 6 oclock. Not the peak heat of the day, but by far the hottest of the 4 runs I have completed yet. Just for giggles I checked my weight before and after. I sweated out 4.5 pounds. That is a little over half a gallon for those of you keeping score at home. That in Just an hour and 8 minutes. I ran from home and took a check for my business to the BBand T atm downtown, a hilly hot, and apparently horny run, as I was told on the way back that I had a nice ass by a girl sitting in a car. Which brings up an interesting point. This little fitness experiment of mine will have some decidedly negative effects. That ass will shrink by a good bit, my mom will resume telling me that I look like I have AIDS. And by and large I will become less attractive to ladies in general. At face value, you HAVE to question why I would do this. The only valid answer to it would be, Become me, and you would know.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Gutting it out.

Busy with work, and busy acting silly at boys night carried over to 80's night at Broadway's. This made for a late (but VERY fun) Wednesday night followed by a full day of work and family. After dropping Abby back off at her mom's I at 9:00 tonight or just after I finally found the time to get my run in... But I DID get it in. This the required mentality. The run happens, barring a severe lightning storm, you just go do it. Period. The legs are of course rather like jello... Well jello if you shot it. 3 hours in 3 days, nearly a marathon worth of running coming back more or less cold turkey, and your muscles (or lack thereof) simply won't like it. But the mind is stronger, basically just sends a message back to your legs, "quitcha-bitchin" this won't stop, but it will get easier as you harden back up. Gliding alongside beaver lake in the dark was nice. Just a quick tour of the north side of town, over to Charlotte street and back up Merrimon to bring it back to the truck parked over near the dam. Good cool running weather. Sometimes you have things to think about when you run and it's good. This time my brain was forced to be on all day, so I spaced out on this run instead. Honestly, I could tell you where I went, but I can't tell you a single thought I had during a 1:03:04 trot. And that is nice too.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Something clicked

I can't tell you what happened, when it happened precisely, or even Why it happened. I guess I was just growing tired of not feeling the true joy of running. I have a million reasons pounding against the wall of my brain saying run Run RUN! But I just wouldn't do it. This morning, I DID. a pleasant hour long trot through biltmore forest... It didn't really hurt, it was still coolish but warm enough to get a good sweat going. The Locusts are out en Masse back there right now. Their dull roar seemed to cheer me on. I know enough about running to know that tomorrow, that one hour run won't feel quite as good. And then on Thursday I very well might consider breaking it into 2 30 minute runs. But the point is... They will happen. I am NOT going to NOT run for a great long time now. I need it for me. Soccer has kept me in Good enough fitness to not make this re-entry to running miserable. It HAS been in the past. So, for the next few weeks, before the outdoor 8V8 season fires up, I will slim down, speed up and get sharp both physically and mentally. I look forward to it. On the way back from Biltmore Forest there is a long store front with glass all down the face of it. Back in 2006 when I was running 60-90 miles a week I'd check my form and make sure I was doing ok... Today I glanced in the glass and did in fact see decent form (for me anyways) but who was doing it was this guy with a big old ghetto booty and some beefy arse thighs and bit of a belly on him. I totally giggled at myself. I could see that sleek rail thin runner peek out from behind the 18 pounds of fat that are needlessly on me right now and point and laugh a bit... Fair enough, fair enough. The beer and late night snacks were worth it in my opinion. At any rate, I'll be tracking this things progress over on the side bar.

Monday, May 26, 2008

What it is and is not about.

Personal growth is something that I have long held 2 differing models for. One is a fairly random pattern of flat spots followed by a sudden stair step or two... sometimes more. The other not so Rosy but probably more accurate model is one that actually goes down on occasion, yes generally it trends upward, but it experiences set backs, corrections, and other variations that can snow ball if you don't stay on top of it. I think I can honestly say that over the last 2.5 years or so, I think my own trend line of personal growth could be shown to illustrate that second model. I had a lengthy conversation recently with a really intelligent friend of mine who I have always admired for clarity of vision and logic. Recently this person has screwed up in their personal life, and we began the chat with that and it's ramifications. This was followed by a discussion at large of how people work, and more importantly, how they DON'T work. And It's funny, while this persons life is Actively f'd up right now, I realized some things about my self that were festering hangovers of my inability to let things go. I realized my faults, the very things that hold me back, were tied directly to my ego. I did a quick search for "Ego Tripping" tonight and came up with the following that I found most relevant.

A regarding of oneself with undue favor.
Behavior or activities undertaken mainly out of vanity or for self-gratification.
The undertaking of acts to increase your own power and influence or to draw attention to your own importance.

I would like at this time to propose a concept that is a slight play on words, and a new way to interpret ego tripping. And Maybe Flaming lips does hint at this in the song Ego Tripping at the gates of Hell... but I'd like to draw a very hard line at the word Trip and suggest that we use the stumbly-bloody knee-twisted ankle version of trip rather than the Power Trip kind of Trip, and then associate that awkward clumsy trip with the Ego.
Long story short, I came to the conclusion that it isn't all about me. I am no damn where near as important as i thought i was. I have self high self esteem and all that good stuff, maybe too much for my own good. I'd take the actions of others as a personal affront of some kind. It all started back in 2006 with an ex girl fiend (who i cared for very much and was very serious about) cheating on me. Much of the anger, and the bad feelings I had came from an ego trip. Sure, it's natural to be upset when something like that happens. But you have to process that stuff and move on with the absolute truth that you are who you are, no more no less. If something doesn't work out with you and another person, with you and a job you wanted, with you and any external factor in your world for that matter, you simply have to learn any lesson that may be there for the learning and then understand that the reason it didn't work was YOU plus this other thing. Your only two options at that point are to:
1.Delude yourself, claim you are perfect, and place blame on everything but yourself. (harboring anger in the process) Or,
2. Come to the conclusion that you did what you did, and this is what the real world outside of your mind dealt you in return. (and at that point truly let it go)
It does tend to sting when you give you best effort and the result is still unfavorable. But I think I needed to learn to treat it no different than if you half assed something and that didn't work out either. Either way those were my actions, I was being me and this is what came of it.

At any rate, I had this conversation a little over a week ago and it's effects are both far reaching and ongoing in my own mind. I am finding all manner of things both great and small to let go of and my little chart has jumped up as my soul seems to be a little more sure footed. I see it's fruits almost daily.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Down with the sickness

I don't get sick, It just doesn't happen. The only thing I can figure is it came from trying to do too much. It's true I worked my butt off last week. I actually skipped quizzo. That simply is not like me. I did sit at the computer and get a lot of work done, and I need to. This 6 week period starting May 3rd to June 7th is my busiest of the year. In that span I produce 3 triathlons, (lotta work) time 5 running races (six if you count one that is a 10K and 5K together) AND help at two of my buddies Triathlons. During the Front half of that I was playing both indoor and outdoor soccer. (but that was a nice release for me)
So, as I sit here and OD on immodium. I'd like to propose the concept that I was not burning the candle at both ends so much as I simply threw the F'in thing in the microwave and put it on high for 99 minutes and 99 seconds.
(somebody try this sometime and let me know what happens).
Anywho, there is light at the end of the tunnel... the money from all of these efforts is starting to come in. And it's a good thing because the bidness was getting stretched financially. And then, in early June, I am working a race for someone else here in town... SOOO relaxing. And then on the weekend of the 28th I am simply... off. What a concept. That hasn't happened since march 22nd.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Have I mentioned that I have re-fallen in love with football?

It is just so

very odd that I went 10 years without playing soccer. Why? I was good at it, why would I just up and quit? It is a physical and mental challenge. It's full of do or die moments... unlike running or triathlon where you just plod forward and cover ground. You don't trick anybody in a 5k. Not really... there are a few times where you can put in surges, or choose to sit behind someone and let them work... but it's not the same as nutmegging someone, or playing a perfect through ball while you are looking the other way to sell it to the defense. And then there is scoring a goal... it's like a giant finish line popped up all of a sudden in front of you. Completely unscripted! You rarely know that you are going to score even 5 seconds before you actually do. And who doesn't love surprises like that. Happy to be back on the pitch.

The more you know the less you do.

A few nights ago, Clayton (my soccer buddy) and I were trying to analyze this bizarre text I got from a woman who in a rather long winded way told me she wasn't interested in dating me. And that is fine, except I never asked her out and didn't even have a game plan to speak of for such a thing. After a few rather pointless hypotheses, we just came to the conclusion that if we knew what women do and why they do it, we could become exorbitantly rich by selling this knowledge to other men. We also concluded that each subsequent woman we interact with only seems to muddy the waters of understanding the "fairer sex". When one takes a hard look at a new piece of data relating to a woman, they see that not only is it new, and totally different, but also totally incongruous with previous data. There is but one pattern that seems to hold. Stop paying a woman attention and you can easily get her interested in you. Sure it's a temporary effect but it is highly effective in the short term. I think quite a few men understand the "devil may care" approach to getting somewhere with a woman. But once we have made that first step... it's nearly impossible to predict what a woman may do next.
Below is a great link to a stroll down memory lane... I think a lot of folks forget just how good the muppets were at times.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

spring has sprung, but I didn't touch anything...

Apparently there are females that are friends OF friends of mine who are looking for " a hot guy who is nice". And these friends, who are indeed wonderful friends of mine, simply don't understand the severe degree to which I have the abilty to just come across as brash, disinterested, or desperate based on my complete and utter lack of need to play "the game". (I instead just choose to say EXACTLY what is on my mind) These friends only see that nice silly fun Doug... Blind dates are ESPECIALLY hazardous. It's great though, I have been through enough life, and spent enough time being "me" to know that my bizzarre personality will more than likely run them all off screaming. So at least I will be entertained for the next little while... I know that is cynical, but hey... So, tonight, I am going to say in and out of trouble for the most part. Busy day for me tomorrow...