What it is and is not about.

Personal growth is something that I have long held 2 differing models for. One is a fairly random pattern of flat spots followed by a sudden stair step or two... sometimes more. The other not so Rosy but probably more accurate model is one that actually goes down on occasion, yes generally it trends upward, but it experiences set backs, corrections, and other variations that can snow ball if you don't stay on top of it. I think I can honestly say that over the last 2.5 years or so, I think my own trend line of personal growth could be shown to illustrate that second model. I had a lengthy conversation recently with a really intelligent friend of mine who I have always admired for clarity of vision and logic. Recently this person has screwed up in their personal life, and we began the chat with that and it's ramifications. This was followed by a discussion at large of how people work, and more importantly, how they DON'T work. And It's funny, while this persons life is Actively f'd up right now, I realized some things about my self that were festering hangovers of my inability to let things go. I realized my faults, the very things that hold me back, were tied directly to my ego. I did a quick search for "Ego Tripping" tonight and came up with the following that I found most relevant.

A regarding of oneself with undue favor.
Behavior or activities undertaken mainly out of vanity or for self-gratification.
The undertaking of acts to increase your own power and influence or to draw attention to your own importance.

I would like at this time to propose a concept that is a slight play on words, and a new way to interpret ego tripping. And Maybe Flaming lips does hint at this in the song Ego Tripping at the gates of Hell... but I'd like to draw a very hard line at the word Trip and suggest that we use the stumbly-bloody knee-twisted ankle version of trip rather than the Power Trip kind of Trip, and then associate that awkward clumsy trip with the Ego.
Long story short, I came to the conclusion that it isn't all about me. I am no damn where near as important as i thought i was. I have self high self esteem and all that good stuff, maybe too much for my own good. I'd take the actions of others as a personal affront of some kind. It all started back in 2006 with an ex girl fiend (who i cared for very much and was very serious about) cheating on me. Much of the anger, and the bad feelings I had came from an ego trip. Sure, it's natural to be upset when something like that happens. But you have to process that stuff and move on with the absolute truth that you are who you are, no more no less. If something doesn't work out with you and another person, with you and a job you wanted, with you and any external factor in your world for that matter, you simply have to learn any lesson that may be there for the learning and then understand that the reason it didn't work was YOU plus this other thing. Your only two options at that point are to:
1.Delude yourself, claim you are perfect, and place blame on everything but yourself. (harboring anger in the process) Or,
2. Come to the conclusion that you did what you did, and this is what the real world outside of your mind dealt you in return. (and at that point truly let it go)
It does tend to sting when you give you best effort and the result is still unfavorable. But I think I needed to learn to treat it no different than if you half assed something and that didn't work out either. Either way those were my actions, I was being me and this is what came of it.

At any rate, I had this conversation a little over a week ago and it's effects are both far reaching and ongoing in my own mind. I am finding all manner of things both great and small to let go of and my little chart has jumped up as my soul seems to be a little more sure footed. I see it's fruits almost daily.