Monday, September 21, 2009

I love my friends

The reason I know they are my friends is that they all want the best for me. I am crazy, everyone knows this. I am also an athlete, a survivor, a quick study, a high school record holder as a swimmer. I am a kid who played in water, loved it, respected it, and watched it move for as long as I can remember. I take it all into account when I figure out what I want to do. And when you go to do something crazy, ALL the people who really love you come forward and either offer opinions or straight up tell you what to do. The same sort of thing happened when I launched my own business. It is going wonderfully, and I am so happy that I have found a way to make my parents happy. Honestly it means more to me than making a decent living and slowly earning "freedom". I was always the kid that they feared for, not because I simply had no mental artillery, but because sometimes, I just skipped out on target practice so to speak. :-) My parents, Mom especially, had to suffer the anguish of watching what she is convinced is a super smart kid not achieve some great purpose in life. That annoyed me from age 5 to age 21. Then, I had to admit that I felt me same for my own daughter who has limitless potential as far as I can tell. I want so badly for her to be happy. I don't care how she does it but I want it for her more than anything. I don't care what she does, I just want her to have good life according to her. I'd like to think that my mom has less stress now because she knows I am happy. I love my job, I love my life. The route by which I came to here is a rocky one, but I am here. And I will keep doing what I do here living the life that has worked for me so far.

I am a hippy, kinda, I am not really driven, but I can be inspired. I am the only person in my family that does not have a masters degree, and in no uncertain terms I can tell that I'd rather eat excrement and die before going back to "formal" school. School and I do not agree. As you all know, I do what I do. I have just always lived, because that is what I do. I love life, and sometimes doing seemingly crazy stuff is a way to celebrate that.

My daughter, my parents, my siblings, my friends, you all mean a lot to me, damn near everything in fact, and you always will. I'm going to have a pow wow tomorrow with some folks whose opinions and knowledge I have come to value. Then, we shall see. But I will make a decision based on the odds as I see them at that time. I think I have a pretty good handle on the consequences of falling out at the top of the series of rapids above big pillow, ledges or the top of frank bells. It is something I don't want to do, in fact, I don't want to fall out tomorrow at all if I go. There is no place at all minus maybe windy flats or the bottom of frank bells where a swim is no big deal... I have been told full well by folks that KNOW what they are talking about that a river in flood stage can mean death because of the way the water moves a layer or two down. Like a rip tide but with a chemical imbalance like Jack from the shining. I get it.
I love living, I plan of doing a lot more of it for years and years. But I am not going to refuse to live at any point in time if I think that something that is going on "insane" but probably something you could live through if you go. My dad talks about the Gauley as a "bucket list" item. My sister has already done it. Well, I want to see the french broad raging. If things look good when I wake (by this I mean a big group with lots of guides and people I trust in a large group...) well, maybe we put in.

Nov. 21st, 2009 update. Um, we did not. it was like 16000 cfs or something insane like that. A few days later we did rock it out at 6-7000 somewhere in there. That was way fun. I still want to see 10000 some day, but no more than that.

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